what is your reality?

A few days ago I was invited to a book club. Friends gathering together, they have chosen my book “Perfectly Normal: An Immigrant’s Story of Making It In America” as their book of choice this month. I was thrilled to be invited to the club and be able to speak about the inspiration and struggle I had while writing this book. The story of the book evolved around my childhood experience as a result of a car accident.

Growing up was challenging especially after reaching puberty where I became extremely conscious about my self-image. I had labeled myself as “Abnormal” and not surprisingly I felt the same way as my physical health began to deteriorate which ultimately led to periods of depression and anxiety.

One of my readers from the book club asked me how I overcame that self-judgment and when did it finally clicked for me. I shared that it was the year when I decided to step out of my comfort zone and did something brave enough to push me in facing my own reality. And from that experience, I have learned that the essence of human beings consists of three things: love, compassion, and kindness. These three things are made us, human.

A woman from the group spoke up. Validating and acknowledged my thoughts and feeling; and went on sharing her belief behind the true essence of mankind. It was in her opinion that my reality is too naive. In her view, the reality of human beings is cruel. There are struggles and pain we experience every day and for someone, like me, to describe lives as “Love, Compassion and Kindness” is just unreal and not believable.

She went on describing her perspectives on what reality is. She reached over the dinner table and grabbed bottled water to place in front of me. She said imagine the bottled of water is life and we are all reaching the top of the mountain. You coming off from the side and I climbing on the others. We are all trying to reach the top someday and somehow. As you are climbing, the reality is that every one of us is climbing within our own reality. How we see is our reality. Our destination is the same but our reality is different.

Yes, she was absolutely right. Our reality is indeed what we see in front of us and ahead of us. And often time we believe what we see is all there is and nothing else which then creates our own version of reality. Now, here is the thing if what you see and choose to believe is your reality, is it possible that what you don’t see could also become your reality?

I pointed to her bottle of water and gently challenged her and ask “If what you see ahead of you and in front of you is your reality, and others are climbing the same mountain to reach to the top, is it safe to assume that it is quite possible that you are missing out on a different route? Perhaps easier? Perhaps shorter to get you to go where we all want to go? She was silent for a moment. Then insisted on holding on to her ways of reality.

And here is what I have learned in coaching. You can give someone a new key to open their door, but you would never be able to open the door for them. In order for them to open the door, sometimes you have to stand back and allow them to process and try their own keys before they see the possibility of using a different set of keys.

What is reality?

To me, your reality is what you choose to believe. If you believe age is your limitation, then it will be your imitations. If you believe your ability to adapt to the changes or have different feelings that come with age, perhaps you will choose to live differently: start exercise, eat healthily, focus on strengthening bones and muscle growth. Maybe having these new beliefs won’t make you 20 years younger, but you will begin to appreciate and love the 20 years older. And this new way of thinking becomes your reality.

Will it help you reach your success faster in life? Perhaps. But you would never know unless you are willing and commit to having a new approach, a new way of thinking and believing.

If you need a new set of ways to think and feel about your current reality, you can book a call with me to discuss your version of your reality and find out what might become available to you if you are able to adapt to a new approach.