A Period is not a Shame
There’s something about memories that, no matter how sweet or painful they are, play an important part in our lives. It’s almost like having an invisible box we carry with us everywhere as we navigate the river of life. In this box, we keep all of our secrets, stories, shadows, and light; it is also the box that we keep our hearts brave and our mind strong. It is where we keep ourselves warm inside, and it beats like a second heart. There were many memories I kept inside of my box; all of my joys and sorrows, all my light and shadows, and all my good days and bad days.
I was 13 years old when I had my first period. I called my mom from a payphone at a physical rehabilitation center where I spent most of my childhood after my car accident. My parents came the next day and drove me to a nearby store for some maxi pads. Even though my mom explained what to expect and what to do when I got my period, when it finally happened to me, I was nervous. But it wasn’t just nervous, it was a sense of shame and guilt. It felt like I had done something wrong.
I remember a doctor from the center, a tall and arrogant man, full of attitude, with short, curly hair. His nose was out of proportion compared to the rest of his facial features, taking up two-thirds of his entire face. He walked funny, with his shoulders hunched forward, slouching, hip forward and always one hand in his pocket. He found out I was having my first period, he walked over to my bedside, where I was lying with closed eyes, pretending to be asleep, he said: “Awww…look at you, you are a woman now.” And then he laughed.
As a woman, we were brought up thinking and believing that when a girl becomes a woman, we need to hide it from everyone else. We design our tampons to be smaller so we can fit them discretely into our purse. We go to a drug store, come out with a bagful of groceries, and make sure to tell the person bagging items to bury our feminine hygiene products at the bottom so no one will see them. WE seek to hide the most natural thing that makes a woman a woman. We hide away because we feel the shame of people shaming us. It was not about what he said, but the way he said it that made me feel ashamed.
A period is not the end of anything. A period is the beginning of possibility.
Shame is part of the human experience because it is an important part of how we grow in society.
A child did not learn about shame until someone teaches the child “There are things you ought not to say, believe, or do; or else...” The shame was learned when others begin to shame us. Imagine that a child never wore anything to leave the house, naked. We shame each other to believe that in order to act, do, say and function under normal circumstances, require us to cover ourselves up before Exiting our house.
Of course, I admit this example is a bit dramatic because there are ethical conducts for which human need to follow in order to be in a community where our behavior and action is considered acceptable. And I would not suggest that we start to let go of our shame by violating these ethical conduct.
However, I will encourage you to look at “shame” as a feeling or emotions that arise, it creates an opportunity to allow individuals to modify their behaviors under acceptable social conditions. The same way you would have look at happiness is the same lens I encourage you to see our shame.
Why is happiness part of human experience? Why is sadness part of human experience?
Every experience is there so humans can EVOLVE. They just are. not good, not bad. Just is.
Shame is a necessity for human evolutions and it is just as important as the pursuit of our happiness.
Warmly,
Michelle
