How to live with your self-talk?
Ever since I decided to take ownership of what I do the best and become a negative self-talk coach, this is the number one question everyone has for me "How do I eliminate negative self-talk?" and often time people associate The Imposter Syndrome and link directly to negative self-talk that leads to low self-esteem and low confidence. Generally speaking, everyone has negative self-talk. We all have had the experience of thinking we are not good enough at something or experience self-doubt. But The Imposter Syndrome consists of a multitude of psychological patterns that include self-doubt, fear of success, fear of failure, and typically use negative self-talk to convince themselves they are not successful. While everyone will experience levels of self-doubt and uses negative self-talk at times, not everyone will have the Imposter Syndrom. Can you celebrate your own success? Do you give yourself a nice pat on your back when you are doing something well? If the answer is "Yes", odds are good what you are experiencing is less than that of an Imposter Syndrome.
Looking back through my journey of negative self-talk, there had been multiple moments where I felt successful. I have the highest degree among many of my friends from school. I celebrated it by booking myself a ticket and spend a week of Vacation in Jamaica with my fellow classmates from pharmacy school. With the first few paychecks that I had received from my first job at a retail pharmacy store, I celebrated it by taking my mom to watch our first Broadway show, CATS. As I look back on all the years that I have talk poorly about myself, I was able to pick out a few big moments that I can say "I have a good life." And this is not someone who experiences the Imposter Syndrome. This is someone who had a lot of self-doubt due to a physical disability that created limitations in both physically and mentally. This is the most manageable form of low self-esteem and a lack of confidence.
What had really worked well for me in the past to manage my excessive self-talk was put things in writing. Writing things down gave me the opportunity to see things from a different perspective. Not that anyone was listening, but it felt like I was speaking to another person that was living inside of me. "Hey, How are you? What'd you doing today? I felt sad and alone this morning when I woke up..." The writing was my savior in my darkest night. In 2003, I started a blog. I kept the most mundane topics such as "The Grocery Shop", "Zoned Out", "My Mother". Topics that have no specific values at the time became the way I express my deeper thoughts. Later, I discover I can connect with other bloggers to write to each other. In 2006, a number of bloggers and I started to write to each other. This method of writing to each other to support each other to grow became my number one go-to emotional outlet. Later, I started to write to guys I met on dating websites.
Here is one example of the letters I write:
Dear John,
It was a long day, in a good way, for me. I try to make the most out of all my trips. Small or big. Even staying local, there's always so much to see and so much to learn from my surrounding. I do a lot of research on these random places so I can go and take pictures. You can never visit and revisit a spot too many times. It's never enough to see the same place just once or twice. And every time You'll fall in love with it again and again. I need to make the most out of everything in order to write about stuff later when I get home.
I bought a book while sitting at a coffee shop in the Crissy field today. Ben Tarnoff's "The Bohemian". It is a book on four writers including mark twain. Since 1860's SF was booming with a gold rush, the economy had been fueled by it. SF was expanding and as it expands, it drew more people to come and most people mean an increase demand for literacy. The book basically described four pronounced writers and how SF became a pivotal part of mark twain's work for example. Even though he only stayed very briefly.
So, Yes Indeed, SF is just filled with histories everywhere u go! The sutra bath I was telling you bout yesterday build by Alfredo Sutra, the fort point I visited this afternoon at Crissy field and it had a spectacular view of the bridge from a different angle which of course I had taken pictures of, etc. it is no wonder writers can write so many things just on SF alone.
This morning's walk was great. Weather was really nice and I walked all the way to pier 39 and came back. Had to breakfast at Noah's bagel. Checked out painted ladies in the morning at Alamo Park. They recently sold the property for $96million dollars? Supposedly it was an undersell, I heard. Two of them were covered up under construction. So I couldn't really take a postcard shot.
Came back and had lunch with my sis. I think you will like it. A lot of old people there! It is the oldest restaurant in California. Mainly seafood. I had clam chowder, and half a dozen oysters. Dinner salad is great too and portions are reasonable. Spend mostly outdoor in the afternoon and got a nice tan to go home with. Dinner was at crab house in pier 39. It was easier to park there. My girlfriend and I ordered a whole crab and it was buttery good!
I agree on things are made possible depending on how badly we want it. I should use that to tell my mom the next time she tells me to save money. I just want to make enough. Besides, like I said...I think investments are just way too complicated for my little brain.
Michelle
From 2003 to 2016, I have written thousands and thousands of letters like this. To guys, I met online and to the girls whom I met from all over the world through life as a blogger. The guys I met, broke my heart. But all the girls I connected, we stayed in touch. Our last conversation was on getting a mask during the COVID-19 back in March. Which makes perfect sense, why I am a strong believer in woman empowerment. This brings me to today's topic, how to eliminate negative self-talk?
Write.
