February is the month of Love.

What do you do when you feel the whole world had turned on you? What do you do when you don’t feel loved? What do you do when you feel you have this empty hole inside and nothing seems to be working?

Loneliness is something many of us will experience at some point in our lives. Whether it is the loss of loved ones or healing from rejection in a relationship. This feeling of alone can be round especially when added to other stressful contributors around us.

In my early 30s, I got on to the train of online dating. I was on eHarmony, Match.com, Christian Love, any website that would allow me to create a profile, I was on it. I created the profile with pictures that really don’t show my whole body simply because I believe if I were to show them what I really look like, they would not have any interest in what I have to say. And I consider myself a smart, intelligent woman who has a lot to offer but the only holdback was the way I look. Of course, I was happy this strategy had worked and got me into several dates with potential eligible bachelors.

Here comes the problem. Where do I hide when he sees me?

It was no surprise that every time after going out on a date, I came home exhausted. It felt like I was in a battle fighting to impress them and to please them in order to be loved and to be liked. This was exhausting and this is not a sign that someone who fully loves themselves. This is a sign of someone who is trying too hard to be someone she is not.

I learned later in life that here are 3 ways that we can show ourselves the love we long for, the love that is eternal, the kind of love that makes you stronger and softer.

Social Love

This is the kind of love you surround yourself within the community that enjoys your company. This is the kind of love where you can be vulnerable in front of them and they will be there whenever you are having a bad day and celebrate with you when you have a victorious day. They are the people you love and they love in return without judgments and without condition.

Environmental Love

Environmental love is the love from nature. It is in the air your breath, the food you eat, and the things you touch. Love comes in many different shapes and forms. And sometimes when you take a moment and look outdoor, perhaps you see a bluejay in your yard, soaking in every moment she can in the daylight. This is love. This is the love that reminds us to let go of the little details in our life and step out to enjoy nature's love.

Emotional Love

Emotional love is the love where you give yourself the permission to be fully present and be aware of whatever emotion that arises at this moment. Being present with our sadness, give it the care and tender love it needs. Celebrate with our happiness, laugh hard and make others laugh with you. This is the type of love that no one else can take away or change any bit because they are yours only.

After several rounds of online dating and endless rejection experiences, I had chosen to be single and beautiful. This is the kind of love that defines me who I am and I no longer look for validation and completion from anyone else. When we give ourselves the love and attention we deserve, we begin to change the way to being seen in this world. When you can love yourself, others have no other choice but to love you.

Love doesn’t come from others because you are your otherness.

Self comes first, then Love.