When was the last time you have those moments where you look back to the things that you have experienced and all of a sudden it all make sense? If you have, great! Therefore, you know what I am talking about here. However, if you have not, do not worry it is coming. Trust me.
This morning I had one of that moment. I was thinking back the first few months after my car accident. I was home, in a cast from my waist down. My parents set up a corner in the living room for me to sleep on so I did not have to be alone in my room upstairs. Imagine, eleven years old bedridden with a cement cast on a hot summer day. You cannot go anywhere further than 6 inches off to the side of the bed rail. I was anxious, I was angry and I was bitter. I commended my younger sister who was 8 years old at the time to get my water, pick up my bedpan, and bring me TV remote and many more. I was a bossy big sister.
One day, my 5th-grade teacher came to visit me at home. An amazing human being, extremely talented and wise man in his early 40’s, play sports, taught physical education in the elementary school. He sat beside my bed along with my mom and asked me “What do you want to be in 10 years?” He looked into my eyes and waited for me to give him an answer. Well, I did not know how to respond. I was caught up with what had happened and the fact that I was here, bedridden, could not go anywhere else, could not go to school or play with friends outside and every little drama that I created in my world. I stared back into his eyes feeling frazzled. I did not know what to say or rather I could not comprehend what he meant.
Fast forward in life, his words kept rumble in my ears every so often. Every time I am about to fall, his words would reply in my head. Every time I am about to give up, his words would hunt me at night. Every time I thought I would not be able to make it, his words lifted me up and pushed me to go forward. Every time when I look back to that moment he asked me the question, he was actually doing what coaches would go through by creating a vision of how you would be living your life 10 years from now. He was a great coach.
What would I want to be in 10 years from now? I still don’t have a concert answer to his question. But I know by letting go of my fear, my judgments, my feelings of being the victim of life, my bitterness towards others, I let live, I let love.
Now, if anyone just left you by telling you to “Let go, Let Live and Let love”, then they are really not telling you the whole story, are they? When you are in that moment of pain and suffering, “Let go” is probably the last thing you want to hear from someone. Let go is not easy. It takes baby steps and practice. There are a few things you can do and perhaps might help you release some of that fear, judgments, hurt and bitterness in life.
For me, the accident was something that I couldn’t control. It happened. I couldn’t go back in time, I couldn’t have stopped the car from coming full speed towards me. I couldn’t. It was out of my control. You may be going through the death of the love ones, betrayed by your partner, a position you weren’t able to get, ending a relationship or even as simple as sitting in the middle of traffic. Know what is within your control and what is now. Sometimes our own unhappiness derives from the desire to control everything.
We have a tendency to be right. Our own ego plays a big part in this. The ego always wants to be “Right”. But ask yourself, if it really important for you to be right? What do you expect to get out of from being right? Does being right make you happier or does it drain you from arguing with another person simply because your ego wants to be right?
Whatever you believe someone has done to you, ask yourself if you’ve ever done the same thing. Be honest. Moreover, whatever you thought was done to you, is more about the other person than you. Let them own it. It is pretty arrogant for us to think the entire world revolves around and is conspiring against us. Things do not just happen to us, they happen to everyone.
For me, I was at the wrong place at the wrong time and I walked into a situation that I had no control of and it could happen to anyone had it not been me. There are 1.3 million people die every year in road crashes and it averages about 3200 deaths per day. Car accidents do not just happen to me, it happens and changes the lives of many people.
we often hold on to things that are hurting us the most. Most often this is because we feel as if we have an emotional attachment to the outcome. The key here is to identify the attached emotion. What is the emotion that will be affected by the outcome? Fear, security, or loneliness? Once you identify the emotion, work on letting it go. Imagine yourself holding on to the blade of a knife, it’s hurting you, it’s bleeding you, but what if you were to let go of the blade. Let gravity do its work.
As I was going through my routine this morning, the words of my 5th-grade teacher came into my mind. I was listening to his words reply in my ear. I didn’t want to be that eleven-year-old person feeling frightened, full of judgments and bitterness to the world. I didn’t want to be that eleven-year-old person who locked herself in a closet so she could play safely in her own world. I didn’t want to be that eleven-year-old person feeling sorry about herself. No! I don’t want to be that person. As I was going through my journey, I have learned that it is not What I want to be in 10 years from now, it is Who I will rather be 10 years from now. Figure out the WHO then I can decide on WHAT I want to do.