Our shadow holds what we do not want to look at anymore. But it also holds the part of us that has not been expressed yet. There lies the greatness within what we have not yet expressed or claimed.
I founded ELEVATE in 2018 as a way to spread my courage, enthusiasm, inspiration, and passion to the rest of the world as a result of my own self-mastery.
I was born in Taiwan and when I was eleven years old, I experienced my own tragedy through an automobile accident. It was after school, I have just got out of school crossing the street like I always did but on the corner of the street, there was a Taxi that was speeding towards my way after he ran a red light.
I woke up in a hospital not remembering how I got there except the agony of my mother’s cry, my father’s look of desperation. I was put into a cast from the waist down, I could not move. I was told I was fortunate, “Just a few broken bones.”
As it turns out, it wasn’t “just a few broken bones.” It was the day that completed changed the way I live my life as well as all those around me. I lost my chance to live a normal life like everyone else. Up until the age of 15, I lived in a hospital in Taipei, the capital city of Taiwan. I was a “frequent flyer” to the surgery.
“Thirteen,” I counted.
While in the hospital, my parents spent an enormous amount of time and energy in supporting me through the recovery process. My sister spent her after school hours traveling to visit me. I deprived of my brother’s fair share to access my parent’s love and attention.
I became the center of everyone’s focus both mentally and physically. I became the center of my own tragedy, my own negative self-talk, and judgments. I convinced myself that all these unfortunate events happen to me and only me. I blamed others for showing their sympathy to me, but the truth was I was feeling self-pity.
There were nights after my surgery where I sat on the hospital bed bawling. I held my legs and the excruciating pain was unbearable to an eleven-year-old. I wanted to go back. I wanted to see all of my friends from school, I wanted to play jump ropes with them in the schoolyard or hide and seek with them by the oak tree. I wanted to go back to the day when none of these had to happen. I felt alone, hopeless, shocked but I was just a kid, I wanted to be like my friends.
Soon after I was discharged from the hospital, my family immigrated to the United States. My father was a school teacher, my mother was a housewife. When we first arrived in this country, we could barely afford KFC. My father ends up working at a supermarket, lifting heavy weights and totes. My mother worked for my uncle who owned a beauty parlor shop in Queens, New York. Every Friday night, my sister and I would walk 15 blocks to walk my mom home and the one thing that she and I look forward to when my mother making a stop at KFC. We didn’t speak much English and It was always a relief to see the Chinese Lady who can help us ordering food.
Because of our financial situation, my family could not afford to enroll me in a physical therapy program here in the United States. I managed to walk and “figure” things out myself. But as I grow older, we have noticed how my improper postures and lack of balance led to a permanent effect on my legs. I could not walk far, I needed assistance when I walk. My mother was always there for me to hold my hand. She walked me to many places.
Soon after I graduate from High School, I was accepted to a State University in New York at Stony Brook where I majored in Pharmacology and Chemistry. It was the first time I moved away from home and be on my own. Just like everyone else, I had a lot of hopes and dreams of who I wanted to be. I wanted to start dating, I wanted to wear trendy clothes, I wanted to enjoy taking a long walk through the campus and not feeling the pain in my back and bones. By the time I finished College, the deformities on my leg had created enough pressure to my back that I began to require walking crutches to assist me every day.
I was definitely not happy about this.
My differences in appearance became a label I put onto myself. I didn’t like my pictures taken. In fact, I couldn’t see my own pictures. I am short, I walk with crutches, my body looks funny, and my legs looks crooked. But yet, like everyone else, I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be seen and heard. I wanted to have a normal life where I can blend in like everyone else. But no matter where I go, who I am with, I always stand out.
I did what many people would do. I begin to tell many bad things to myself. Things that if I were to tell another person, I would probably be sent to jail. Things like “why are you still alive?” “You are not wanted,” “Look at you? What makes you think he would want to be with you?” There were nights I woke up crying and wishing I was never born.
The experience I had gone through, the loss of what I could have been to be a normal person, was extremely painful. It was so painful and hopeless that it triggered something inside of me to start to look deeper. Yes, deeper than what I could see on the surface. Deeper than beyond what I have.
I went through a process of self-discovery and I began to see my own light shining through. I read books on self-development, I listen to spiritual teachers on conscious awareness, I talk to like-minded people, I attend seminars to seek truth and wisdom. But none of these were helpful enough until one day, I had a complete meltdown on a curbside. I sat there and crying to the Universe asking for its guidance. I needed a sign that I could hold on to in that moment of despair.
I needed to know that my life is worth living for.
I became passionate about coaching because I was there. The agony of pain and suffering, the experience of hopelessness, the fear and panic felt in the middle of the night that shook you off your bed. I was 100% there myself. It still brings me tears when I talk about my own journey because it was so real that by talking about it feels like living the experience all over again.
But I now know why. I know what makes my life worth living for and the reason is I had to experience what may seem to be a tragedy in people’s eye in order to show you that it is possible. No matter how desperate you are in this moment, no matter how much pain you are holding in your heart, no matter how much fear you have that’s hunting you at night, it is possible.
It is possible to turn on that torch, the fire within your heart and make a comeback. It is possible to let go of our painful memories and embrace it with love and tender care. And it is absolutely possible to begin leading yourself out of the misery and tragedy life had put us in. It is possible!
There is a light within every one of us.
When it is dark everywhere else know that I am your beacon of light.